Giving up on The Dream

You come up with a title of a blog, and you think that at some level, it defines you. Then you realise, perhaps the balance is off, the definition is too strong, and perhaps, just perhaps you can’t justify the fight anymore.

So now the mother-wife person who would study is less the mother-wife person who is driven by some insatiable determination to find the funding to pursue her dream of studying for a PhD even if that is at great personal cost to herself and her family, and more the mother wife person who would exercise her mind with some good critical thinking and skill acquisition, in whatever sphere that may be. Less study, more learn.

Because yes, I need to exercise my mind, yes, I am more than just a wife, or mother, and yes, I would be terrible as a stay at home mum-housewife person, but I am the only wife The Dude has, and the only mother the Little Person has, and while they are willing to make sacrifices for me, perhaps I should be careful about what sacrifices I ask them to make. The Dude should not sacrifice his health, the Little Person her wellbeing just so that I can move them to another part of the country to pursue my dream.  Bearing in mind that one move will inevitably lead to another, and I don’t do moving cities particularly well myself.

Of course, if the economy were better, if the system were better, I wouldn’t have to make this choice. But it’s not, and I can’t do anything to change it. Instead I can try to turn thing to my advantage. Take my skills for a spin in a whole new arena. Polish my economy cooking skills. Ponder the metaphor of living a “life preserved” (more on this another time). Catch up on my blogging. Celebrate the victories of starting school with Little Person, and help her learn some of those crucial lifeskills and habits that will set her up for a well-adjusted adulthood. Finally get to the bottom of the sockpile (perhaps) And definitely start working on using my creative skills to generate an income. Less stay at home mum, more work at home mum. Stay is such a static word.

Perhaps I missed my calling, I should’ve gone into marketing.

(With apologies for the lack of an anecdote to accompany these musings. I’m out of practice.)


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