Wednesday was great. I was getting my act together; I did some writing for my Big Project, and even managed to cook a decent meal before collecting Little Person from school. Thursday was going to be one better – FWD (that’s Friend With Dog) was coming over, we were going to have a lovely little girlie chat and then she was going to babysit Little Person in the evening. Brilliant.
Until the weird heart palpitations and breathlessness started. And I ended up in A&E (you know you’re in trouble when the lovely paramedics say “you’re going to hospital” without offering you a choice) and then had a stay in hospital overnight. No, my heart’s not back to normal. I’m currently heavily reliant on the support of friends and family to get our merry little band through.
But here’s the thing. My metaphorical heart is fine. I’m not worried, although I may be a little stressed trying to work out what the bare minimum of stuff is that needs to get done (today, writing this blog is part of that). And I’m not even trying to be positive. Instead, I’m focussing on being grateful, and the being positive follows on from that.
So, my grateful list includes:
– The Dude does his best to look after me.
– I have a Little Person who makes me smile just by being her.
– I have a friend who will drop everything just to help us out, again.
– The Dude has a friend who will stay at ours until after midnight.
– There are lots of people who care about me.
– I have faith.
– I have cats that are lovely and warm when I feel cold.
– Said cats are also excellent at purring which is very relaxing.
– I can crochet, which is somehow soothing.
– I can still think.
– And write.
– And eat.
– And there are still chocolates in the house.
And on and on.
So when I stop and think of all that is good in my life, I don’t have to try to be positive, and don’t have to make an effort to think positively. I find myself smiling in the face of all that right now I can’t do. And not trying to do any of it.
I have tried the positive thinking route, and it was effortful and hard work. Thus far, gratitude seems to be getting me to the same place, but more easily. So even with all this, I’ve learnt a lesson (not saying I’ve been through this to learn this lesson, mind).
And that’s another thing to be grateful for.