Yes, I know 2014 is not done yet. And I still have time to learn a few lessons. But I have been remembering this year and the themes that have unfolded. Dreams. Purpose. Relationships. Value. Integrity. Honesty. Faith. Family. Not all these things made it onto my blog. Sometimes they were lessons within lessons, sometimes they were too long in the learning. Sometimes I was waiting for the moment when I could write about it happy.
I can’t say I’m happy today, but I am at least victorious. Some parts of the year have been like dancing through daisies, some like watching a thief rampage your home as you hide under the bed, hoping he doesn’t find the safe, some like fighting a battle or running a marathon. But always, always, I have done my best to learn. From dancing and stealing and fighting and running and hunting and being hunted. And thinking back, I find myself smiling. Because there are things I know now that I did not know in 2014.
Sometimes, leaving your dreams to die does not mean they will be resurrected in another form, no matter what the people may say. Sometimes, when you leave dreams to die, they will do just that. And slowly as your heart recovers from the grip they held, you can see that your dream was the thing that was holding you back. Not always, but sometimes.
Sometimes, you find dreams in unexpected places. Sometimes, you think you’re helping somebody else with their dream, but you’re actually building a hunger within yourself. Sometimes dreams are small things, like a homemade loaf of bread, or watching the rainbow in the playground. Sometimes dreams don’t look like dreams at all. Not always, but sometimes.
Sometimes, you will find friendship in unexpected places. When you’re looking for something else, a friend may creep into your heart. They are the best kind really. The ones that become your friends because you are who you are, not because of the position you occupy or the words you say. Not always, but sometimes.
Sometimes, the words you say, and the words you hear, can have unintended consequences.. Sometimes “I’m sorry” is not enough. Sometimes you can’t just draw a line in the sand and move on. Sometimes, the echoes of the words ring in your ears across the months, and you find yourself standing in a corner, crying, and wondering will I ever be good enough? Or will I forever be the girl with some sort of behavioural problem? The people that do that to you – sometimes there are no words. Not always, but sometimes.
Sometimes, you need to hold on and hope. Trust that the storm will pass. And sometimes, you need to let go and let the winds sweep you away to a different place. For all that relationships and dreams are important, the wisdom to know when to let go and when to hold on is a gift to be treasured. Always, not sometimes.