So this week I tried too hard with my black and white prompts. I could have written what was right in front of me, but I didn’t. I tried to be too clever, and got myself a bit lost in the process. But sometimes, that’s how we learn.
I will be honest, I’m looking forward to this being the last week of this project, but strangely, I want to do mini-versions of it through the year. I want to go back to writing about my cats and cooking dinner, and changing my perspective on the weekly shop. But I have also enjoyed writing to a specific theme. So even though I tried too hard, and my actual posts turned out to be too complex, or too rambly, depending on the day, I still enjoyed the process. I just got caught up in trying to show everybody what I could do, when I should’ve been writing for me.
But I have been feeling the pressure of perfectionism in my life of late. Not in my family, and certainly not in my Secret Project (which progresses very well). But I feel like we are all backing ourselves into a giant corner of perfectionism, telling ourselves that if we are not over-achieving, we are not doing enough.
I will let you in on a little secret. Not everybody can be above average. That’s not how it works. So why do we pretend that is an achievable goal? And why do we measure everything by what other people think of us anyway? And why do we all need to drink coffee to get through the day?
Because we’re aiming too high, trying to do too much, scared to stop and face ourselves. Scared to stop and be ourselves. And that seems pretty stupid to me.
The fact is, I have grumbly internals at the moment, brought on in part by trying to work out how to be me in a world that wants me to be anything but me. I was sat downstairs, feeling sorry for myself, thinking that my life was terrible and berating myself.
But my life’s not terrible. I’m allowed to have a sore stomach. I’m allowed to stop and have a day when things are just uncomfortable. I don’t need to give myself a talking to, or read a motivational book, or cry into my pillow. I just need to take care of myself, and get up tomorrow and try again.
Try. But don’t try too hard.