Turns out I am doing a slightly better job of staying positive than I realised. Especially considering I gave up on trying to stay positive and decided to concentrate on getting through and finding moments where I could.
I was going to write a negative post you see. About how special needs parenting is hard and then you feel bad about it being hard and then that just makes it harder. I started it and everything. And then I read what I had written and realised it wasn’t true.
Don’t get me wrong, parenting Little Person is more challenging than it would be if she didn’t have a different sort of brain. But I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t feel all heroic either. Mostly, I just feel messy. And that’s really not a problem. Because I guess Little Person feels messy too.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling how you think you should feel. Or trying to make yourself feel like you think you should feel. And there’s a million people with an opinion on how you should feel.
The online people do not know how you should feel.
Your friends and support system do not know how you should feel.
Sometimes, the worst thing you can do is think about how you should feel.
I have made a few changes to my thinking in recent months. I have worked hard to find a space where Little Person would be accepted and happy, where I would be accepted, where The Dude would be happy. I sort of forgot about accepting myself. Letting myself feel the feelings.
And here I am having felt all the feelings. And somehow, positive at the end of it. Who knew?