I mean, sure, you didn’t mean it.
Apart from the bit where you deliberately invited him out to the movies on within weeks of me moving up to be with him. Yeah, you meant that one. Because of course I was supposed to say he couldn’t go and then you could call me controlling and tell The Dude I wasn’t good enough. Sorry not sorry for disappointing you.
I get it. I really do. There he was for 14 something years, being your handy wingman. Doing the work that allowed you to look good. Quietly getting on with whatever while you were the front man, the funny guy. Helping you out with babysitting and supporting you when things got tough. I mean, sure you had to laugh at his jokes and feed him but he was part of the furniture. Loyal. Always there. Predictable.
And then he went and got himself a girlfriend off the internet. Not just any girl. A weirdo from London. She didn’t behave anything like your wife, or your friends. You tried to make her change but … it didn’t work. She was somehow not good enough and simultaneously definitely good enough at the same time. You couldn’t warn him off her because the only thing she did wrong was offend your sensibilities, but she made him so incredibly happy.
I mean, obviously you couldn’t say that you didn’t approve because she wasn’t following the unspoken rules. But you could give them the cold shoulder. Wrap it up in some sort of excuse about giving them space because they were newlyweds.
And then they moved house. To a nice house. Big garden. Nicer than your house. Suddenly, you weren’t the only ones who could have people round. (Especially since horror of horrors his wife could cook!) Maybe that’s why you stopped talking to us completely. Intimidated because we had a house?
But the thing I don’t get is, if he was your friend, you should have welcomed his new person in. Like you welcomed all the other wives in. And if he was your friend, you should have been happy that he was happy. And you knew, definitely, that we would have made space for you to all have guys nights if that’s how it needed to be. And you should have been happy that he had a new house and wanted to share the joy.
And when he sent you texts and turned up at your house, if you had valued the friendship at all (even if it was too hard for you to reconcile by that point), you would have had the courage to at least have a conversation about it.
I get that somehow, the way I arrived on the scene broke some sort of code for you. I don’t get how you could lecture me on what it means to be a Christian and have behaved in such an unforgivable manner.
But of course I do get it.
You were The Dude’s best friend.
He was your babysitter.